Chapter Twenty One
Afterwards we convened in the library. While I was glad that I was able to get the family back together. The revelation that I was related to Lilith made a lot of the brothers act very oddly. They were fawning over me and calling me Lilith occasionally. It was very uncomfortable.
“Back up,” Barbatos told them, “Drizzm look like he can barely breathe.”
“Can you blame them,” Diavolo chuckled, amused, “They feel like they got their sister back.”
I know he didn’t mean it like that but it still hit me right in the dysphoria. Between that and the smothering behavior of the brothers in treating me like their sister, I couldn’t handle it anymore.
“Excuse me,” I got up, “I’m going to the bathroom.”
I went immediately to my room to pace and try to calm down.
“You’re okay. They don’t see you as a girl. It’s not about you. You’re not a girl. You’re okay. It’s okay. You’re not a girl.”
I was pulling on my binder, pacing back and forth until I suddenly caught sight of myself in the mirror. I wasn’t able to stop myself from scrutinizing everything I perceived as negatively feminine. My face slowly scrunching as I got more and more upset.
“Fuck,” I snapped, aggressively turning the mirror away, surprised I didn’t accidentally break it, “ I fucking hate it! Why was I born like this?! I hate my fucking body,” I crumbled onto the ground, barely choking out, “Why am I girl?”
I cried on my knees, hands gripping my hair. Though, it may be closer to say I wailed. The pain in my chest was too much to bear anymore.
Arms gently wrapped around me, a familiar stroking of my back. I climbed into his lap to hug him with my whole body, gripping his clothes tightly as I sobbed. He whispered soothing words into my ear, “Remember, I see you. I can see you at your core, Drizzm. You can trust me.”
I nuzzled into him. Thankful that he remembered and that I really did feel like I could trust him. We’ve been through so much in just a month. It feels like so much longer than that and the more time I get to spend with him, the more I find it hard to push my feelings away.
My breathing calmed and I loosened my grip to just hug him.
“Thank you,” my voice was thick, “And I’m sorry you have to keep dealing with my dysphoria.”
“I’ll always be here,” Lucifer assured, “Come to me anytime you feel like this and I’ll hold you as long as it takes.”
“Stooop,” I gently rocked back and forth a few times, “I already like you. You don’t need to make me fall harder.”
“How hard are you willing to fall,” he smirked.
“For you? As hard as demonly possible.”
He chuckled then looked me in the eyes intently.
“Lucifer?”
“Hm?”
“Can I kiss you?”
The red in his eyes grew brighter, “Yes.”
I leaned forward and we kissed, gripping each other closer. When we parted I put my forehead on his. I brought my hands to cup his face, stroking it with my thumbs, my eyes closed, enjoying the moment.
“Can I kiss you, again,” Lucifer breathed.
“Anytime, you don’t even need to ask,” I pulled his face in. This was totally worth the dysphoria. I had him to help me with that now, anyways.
KNOCK
We jumped, Diavolo called to us from the other side.
“How about we just ignore him, “ Lucifer whispered in my ear.
“Don’t tempt me,” I resisted kissing him again.
“I’m a demon, remember? I’m suppose to.”
“And I was taught to resist demons.”
“You’re doing a poor job.”
“I can’t argue there. Totally worth it,” I was about to kiss him again with Diavolo just opened the door, freezing in the doorway. I definitely know I had the fawn look, eyes wide.
“I apologize for interrupting,” Diavolo looked back and forth between Lucifer and my blushing face, “But, I have to depart and I wanted to make sure you were okay. It seems you’re feeling fine now.”
My face flushed more, “Uhm, yeah. I’m really sorry about that.”
“No need to apologize. I’m just glad you’re okay. I’ll be taking my leave now. Have fun and take it easy on Drizzm. I’d like to see him around RAD tomorrow.”
He then left, closing the door. Barbatos waved at us with an amused smile while the door shut. We were left alone again.
“I guess he doesn’t know I’m ace,” I nervously chuckled, I looked at Lucifer, “Actually, did you know that?”
“I believe I’ve overheard Asmo speaking about it,” he told me.
“That doesn’t bother you?”
“Should it?”
I was surprised, “It’s just. I know that sex is a significant and important part of most people’s relationships. And I was concerned that it would be a problem.”
“Are you saying you want a relationship?”
“Yes? Why do you think I kissed you and blush like an idiot when we interact?”
“Well, good news, then,” he smiled, “That doesn’t bother me, but I may need that every now and then.”
“I’m sex-neutral, so that won’t be a problem. Quite honestly, you can just ask whenever and I’ll let you know if I’m okay with it.”
“That doesn’t annoy you?”
“Not particularly. I don’t mind having sex fairly regularly. I just like being able to say no if I’m really not in the mood.”
“I’d never force you, so you’re free to tell me no.”
“So, you’ll date me?”
“Yes,” he kissed me again. The best day of my life so far. It was getting late so we let the others know I was okay and got ready for bed separately. I went to bed and thankfully fell asleep fairly quickly. The day has really taken a lot out of me.
The next morning while eating breakfast Lucifer announced that Diavolo’s birthday was coming up soon. On October 31st. So, we need to make sure that we get gifts gathered before then.
“His birthday is on Halloween,” I questioned.
“Yes, that’s right,” Lucifer confirmed.
“Lucky. Me and my family love Halloween. That’s why I made my cat’s birthday Halloween.”
“You have a cat,” Satan inquired, very interested.
“Two actually, both black cats. The older one is Holly, she’ll be turning the unlucky 13 this year. She’s a big baby and lazy bones,” I smiled softly as I reminisced, “Jack is 6 and he’s my wild child. I call him a heathen because he’s always bringing animals into the house, like lizards or birds.”
“Sounds like a prolific hunter.”
“Except the fact that they are often alive and I have to catch them and release them.”
“I wonder if we’ll see either of them down here?”
“Hm? Aren’t the cats here like spirits or something?”
“I’m not sure where you got that idea. But, no. For some reason cats have the ability to walk between the Human World and Devildom.”
“While, I don’t have to worry about Holly, as she doesn’t leave the house. You did just add a new anxiety to my brain of Jack finding his way here.”
“Demons are generally pretty kind with cats, or at least ignore them.”
“I worry about humans doing something to Jack. I just don’t trust most people with animals. They’re generally the easiest target for asshats.”
“Apologies, I didn’t mean to add extra worry onto you.”
“It’s okay. I’m a worrywart.”
I spent the rest of the day thinking out what to get Diavolo for his birthday but couldn’t really think of anything I could get him and he couldn’t already get. So, I should make something, right? I mean as an artist gifting my art is something he couldn’t otherwise get. Only thing is, I have no idea what I would draw for him. I haven’t known him long enough.